The Eye of Argon
Read more about it at Wikipedia (seriously, there's an entry there for nearly everything).
Read a Mystery Science Theater 3000 style take on the story here. (Side note: this appears to have its origin in a Usenet group. Anyone remember Usenet? I do. But then I'm 34 years old.)
So, you might ask, what's wrong with this story. Here are just a few of the worst aspects. Feel free to add your own in the comments:
- too many freaking thesaurus words -- makes it way too hard to read (and remember, I have an Ivy League education...I know the meanings of the words, but the sentences sure as hell don't flow naturally off the page)
- impossible verbs in speaker attributions
- not sure how well it would work to enamel a hide shield
- no proofreading (the person who posted this noted s/he tried to preserve the original typos)
- referring to a woman as a "complexion"
- unpronounceable names (Mifrk, Grignr, Agafnd)
- too much description (why use one word when three phrases will do, must have been the author's philosophy)